Why Gentle Parenting?
September 16th, 2006 by Sharon
This will be an ongoing page, because I don’t have time to write everything now about why I am a gentle parent. And the more I study the more I learn about why it is soooo important to be a gentle parent. (Also see my post Reading 9-22-06 for more gentle parenting info.)
I will start with my site name. by love unfeigned…
Doctrine and Covenants 121:41-43
41 No power or influence can or ought to be maintained…only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;
42 By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the sould without hypocrisy, and without guile.
Last night for my scripture reading I read Matthew 18-19.
Matt 18:1-6
1 At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?
2 And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,
3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and beome as little children, ye shall not ento into the kingdom of heaven.
4 Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
5 And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.
6 But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.
Matt 19: 13-14
13 Then were there brought unto him little children, that he should put his hands on them, and pray: and the disciples rebuked them.
14 But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me; for of such is the kingdom of heaven.”
Jesus is our example, our Savior. If He loved children so dearly; if He we was so gentle and kind to children; if He told us to become like children…How do you think He views children? How did He treat children? Did He think of children as an annoyance?
Okay, so many people quote “rod” scriptures to justify hurting their children. I will look up some links and such for this shortly. But rod had more than one meaning. A shepherd’s rod was a 3 foot long club. They did NOT hit their sheep with these rods, but beat off wolves that were trying to attack their sheep. A staff is also referred to as a rod at times. A staff, of course, is longer and thinner than the club rod. It was used for walking, resting, and GUIDING the sheep. Not for hitting. Rods also represented authority. Rod *may* also be a something that was used for punishing a wayward “child” in the Old Testament. In the verses where it talks about this the hebrew word that was used for “child” was for a grown child, not a little child. So, yes, perhaps people did hit their wayward children with a rod…but they were grown children, not young children. And in the old testament it says a tooth for a tooth, an eye for an eye…when Jesus came he fulfilled the law. He said for give seven times seventy, turn the other cheek, he who is perfect cast the first stone…So trying to cite “rod” verses in the Old Testament as God’s will that one should hit his/her children doesn’t really hold up at all.
Does this mean that we shouldn’t correct our children, guide our children? Absolutely not. Correction and guidance are of utmost importance in raising these little children. Correction and guidance with love, gentleness, love unfeigned…not hitting, slapping, yelling, control, and power.
Isaiah 25:8 “He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord God will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of his people shall he take away from all the earth: for the Lord hath spoken it.”
How tender, how dear. “The Lord God will wipe away tears from off all faces…” He didn’t turn his back. He didn’t say, “Stop crying. I am really not in the mood for this right now.” He is tender, gentle…wipes away tears. Again, Jesus is our example. And as such if he was gentle and tender…wipes away tears…isn’t that we should do? Yes! This applies to our friends, our “neighbors,” or spouse…so shouldn’t it apply as well to the littlest ones. Our children certainly need to have their tears wiped away in a gentle and tender manner. Not their fears, feelings, needs cast aside. Not hit or yelled at. And Jesus is certainly not the one who causes those tears…he wipes them away. I do not want to be the one that causes my children to have tears; I want to help Jesus in being the wiper of tears–not the causer of tears. Hitting a child is certainly being the one who causes the tears. Yelling at a child is being the one who causes tears. Witholding love from a child is being one who causes tears. Ignoring the child’s feels or treating them as frivilous is being the causer of tears in our little ones. I don’t think this is how Jesus would have us treat our children. He would have us wipe away their tears with tenderness, gentless, with love unfeigned….
Matthew 25:40 “And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”
Every time one wipes away a tear from a child it is the same as wiping away a tear from Jesus. Every time one yells at her child it is the same as yelling at Jesus. Every time one hugs a child it is the same as hugging Jesus. Every time one hits her child she has hit Jesus. Every time one comforts a child she has comforted Jesus. Every time one ignores a child she is ignoring Jesus. Every time one is gentle, tender, and loving to a child she is gentle, tender, and loving to Jesus.
Colossians 3:21 “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.”
I don’t know about you, but having someone ignore, yell, or hit me sounds like it is provoking to anger.
It is not wise to anger easily…
Proverbs 14:17 “he that is soon angry dealeth foolishly…”
Proverbs 14:29 “He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding…”
Proverbs 15:1 “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”
More gentleness verses:
2 Timothy 2:24 “…be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, in meekness instructing…”
2 Corinthians 10:1 “Now I Paul meyslef beseech you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ…”
Galatians 5:22-23 “But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance…”
So, we are told to be gentle to all men…so why do people think that their chidren do not fall under the be gentle to all men (in this case it clearly meant to be gentle to everyone). And Paul talks about how meek and gentle Christ is. So our Savior and our example is gentle and meek; shouldn’t we strive to be the same? The fruit of the spirit…why would this not apply to how we treat our children? If our fruit is anger, screaming, yelling, and violence…that certainly doesn’t sound like good fruit.